There is no one-size-fits-all fix when it comes to anxiety, depression, worry or the myriad of emotions that follows some people through the day like background noise.
But sometimes, the way in is not about fixing—it’s about understanding. This article is in no way a complete guide on emotions, only an aspect of a package of things that may help.
I often have people in clinic say “I have anxiety.” Or depression, worry, anger…..
Me: “okay can you give me the definition of anxiety?”
Them: “——–“ “no”
I then reach to my handy dictionary and look it up.
Cambridge dictionary: an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future. *(I would argue that if “it” is happening it would be a different emotion than anxiety, the other definitions as this one all refer to something in the future, which I agree with.)
Webster dictionary: apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill.
Oxford dictionary: the state of feeling nervous or worried that something bad is going to happen.
My short working definition “fear of future pain”.
So I ask “can you think of something, related to your current anxiety, in your future you are afraid that will cause you negative perceived pain?”
Often they say, no. Then I say do not call it anxiety, call it one of the other thousands of emotionally descriptive words, because if you are working on the wrong thing, the outcome will be uncertain for sure.
It is important to accept that all emotions have value in the correct context. In Chinese Medicine there are basically 5 emotional groups. Like 5 trees with branches and leaves. Each branch and leaf are related words to the trunk. Here are some leaves from the trunk of anxiety: Trepidation, Foreboding, Disquiet, Perturbation, Qualm, Jitters, Agita, Malaise, Fretfulness, Solicitude.
So then lets just use anxiety and forget all these other, more specific, words. It just does not seem to work like that, I wish it did. While they can be similar meaning they are not the same. Simple problems you can throw mud at the wall and if it sticks it’s fixed. More complicated/serious problems you need better precision.
Over the years in clinic, and through my wrestles with life, one thing keeps surfacing as useful—not always easy, but useful: emotional intelligence. Not the pop-psych quiz version. The one that starts with noticing how I feel and turning that “feeling” into an emotional word(s) that I can get clear on what is going on. It can take a while…
Emotional Intelligence in action:
Recognize what you’re feeling, or an aspect of it.
Name it, with as few words as possible and be clear on what that word(s) mean.
Understand where it came from, which can take a bit. A common questions is “when is the first time you had that (word) modelled to you?
Pause long enough not to act on autopilot then start to insert better words, action, feelings leading to habits.
We often think we need a big fix—something loud and immediate. But most progress is one step at a time.
Better emotional intelligence doesn’t erase anxiety or depression… It just offers a bit more space between feeling and reacting. That space allows for a conscious or re-trained action and that is normally a good thing.
Try This Practice (Simple, which does not mean Easy)
Next time something stirs—a wave of tension, frustration, worry—try pausing for 30 seconds. Ask yourself:
“What am I actually feeling right now? Can I name it without fixing it?”
Then do one small act of kindness for yourself. Not to make the feeling disappear, but to walk beside it more gently. The action of Compassion.
Emotional intelligence is not a cure. But it is one way in. One skill that can support your system from the inside, while other parts of healing—therapy, movement, acupuncture, diet/lifestyle have room to do their work.
You don’t need to be perfect at it. You just need to be willing to notice more often and do the work of inserting the correct word/emotion and dealing with it.
Resources – I have no affiliation with any of them, but I have used most of them.
6seconds.org
Coursera.org
mindtools.com
Yale.edu
Berkley edu
Be Well,
Ward Willison R.Ac.
allbodycare.com
Kelowna Acupuncture & Other Natural Therapies